Things that go bump in the polls

As a child, my father (and if you met him, you'd realize this is just the thing he would do) would sometimes threaten me with kidnapping via Korean folktale monsters for a simple slight such as not eating my carrots. Also threaded into Korean folktales are monstrous consequences for children who disobeyed in any way, an efficient way of instilling a healthy sense of fear without ever looking like the bad guy. After all, it wasn't the parent who dragged the kid down the well - it was the creepy looking girl dressed all in white whose face is obscured by long black hair dragged over.

Upon reflection, election day holds that same commonality with childhood - namely, fictitious monsters who come out every four years, threatening us into certain actions with vague, impending doom. And being the political person I am, I intend on using these monsters to motivate my children into behavior.

Such as the socialism monster, who, if you do not eat all your food, will swoop in, take half of it in the name of the government and give it to some lazy poor person who undoubtedly did not deserve the handout.

Or perhaps the tax raising monster, who will tax your allowance until you cannot buy even simple pieces of Bazooka Joe bubblegum if you do not vacuum this living room right now, so help me.

And certainly, the specter of the ever so dangerous illegal immigrant monster, who if you do not wash these dishes, will wash the dishes for you for lower wages and pretty soon you've been muscled out of all the chores of which you are paid allowance for to someone who doesn't even speak English.

And if you don't come in for dinner right now, big government will come and take away all your freedoms so that soon enough, you won't even be able to watch television whenever you want (not that you could anyway, buster).

Oh yes, there will be fear in my household, fear of such things such as communism monster (who will steal your Halloween candy and give it to someone who didn't bother to go trick-or-treating if you don't learn to share) and the mainstream elite media conspiracy monster (who will tattle on you and get you in trouble for made up stuff if you keep on tattling and picking on your sister). Because just as I eventually learned to disbelieve those Korean folklores, perhaps my children will grow up to voting age and not be fazed when more "mature" adults begin throwing out the same monsters.