Please. Do us all a favor; shut up about ACORN

So people are complaining that my blog posts are too long. So I'll keep this one short.

Please, shut about ACORN. Yes, I know. It's pretty despicable. Volunteers were falsifying voter registration records. It is, in all seriousness, a travesty. And no, I'm not trying to be sarcastic. It's a pretty terrible thing.

But it's not the voter fraud of ZOMG TEH DEMS WILL STEAL TEH ELECSHUNZ!!!! magnitude. Not even close.

(I mean, seriously. When was the last time anyone accused the Democrats for stealing an election?)

Here is an analogy that might be easier to understand for Mormons.

I heard a rumor a long time ago of missionaries falsifying baptism records. They would walk through graveyards and write down names on baptism records and then make up the rest and send them into the mission office to artificially inflate the number of baptisms they got for the Church. Of course, once discovered, they were all severely disciplined by church authorities and stripped of their missionary status.

This, like ACORN's little brouhaha, is despicable, and again, should be punished. But it's also very similar in that this has little impact on the grand scheme of things. Here's why.

The missionaries falsifying records was a very small minority. Despite this scandal happened, few faithful Mormons would scream the Church was not true, that all missionaries were scam artist crooks, that the missionary program should be dismantled immediately and that's that. It was an significantly small minority that indulged in such acts.

Second, other than a temporary bureaucratic nightmare, this had little effect on the Church. No matter how many baptismal records I falsify - even if I falsify 100,000,000 baptismal records, 100,000,000 people will not show up to church the next Sunday, overwhelming the bishop. In fact, not even a single one extra new member will show up to church next Sunday. Why?

Because the bloody fake converts don't actually exist! DUH!

So! No matter how many voter registrations a few ACORN volunteers falsify to inflate their numbers for their own pride issues, the impact it has on the election will be minimal, if anything at all. Why?

Because the bloody fake voters don't actually exist! DUH!

What is the Republican Party afraid of? That the fake voters will float into the voting centers and walk into the voting booths and fake vote for Obama? That Obama will win the election in a landside because there were tons and tons of fake votes for the candidate? That Mickey Mouse, Homer Simpson and other cartoon character names written on the falsified voter registration forms will walk to the voting booth in all their 2D animated glory and vote for Obama (because he obviously supports cartoon rights, the socialist badger)? Never mind that it would take thousands - nay! hundreds of thousands! - to risk committing a serious felony multiple times in a day in a coordinated attempt across the nation in order to pull off their "obvious" goal: Usher in a new era of socialism and terror via Obama and his Marxist class warfare machine. I remain unequivocal that this is just as looney and harebrained of a conspiracy theory on the magnitude of the 9/11 Truthers who insist that the government perpetrated the 9/11 attacks, rather than terrorists. And if any Republican politician seriously subscribes to the idea that this isolated incident of "voter fraud" is, as John McCain is asserting, threatening the very fabric of democracy, I would seriously raise an eyebrow at their qualifications to lead. It's like voting for a person who insists that the Freemasons control everything, in tandem with those pesky Jews.

Please. Stop insulting our intelligence and go find a real issue to scream about.

And stop insinuating that just because Obama knew ACORN and had superficial ties with them, that he somehow orchestrated this ACORN fraud. I knew a missionary who got sent home for doing naughty things - this doesn't mean that I did them too.

Dang, this post ended up long anyway. I'm hopeless.